Friday, February 17, 2012

Why do some friendships fail?

I have an old best friend for almost 14 years. The truth is, I‘ve been the only one to initiate contact with her for some time now. Our friendship is clearly fading away. No point in trying to see if she would contact me. I know she wouldn’t, at least not unless she has a good reason, like to congratulate me on some kind of occasion. I’ve been almost ready to accuse my friend of indifference so many times, I’ve had several attempts to defy her, but every time I lacked courage. Weary of waiting and analyzing, I now find ending the friendship officially more palatable than continuing to pretend our communication is still meaningful. On first blush, it seems like an optimal solution.

Sometimes we discover that our best friends, to whom we used to speak on a day to day basis and with whom we used to spend a lot of time, are no longer our friends. What could have possibly gone wrong? I guess being so close for years and then gradually falling out of touch is pretty common. There is no answer or possibly several answers to the question “why”. It’s either intentional or unconscious. At a certain point, we begin to question the very foundation of our friendships, particularly those that seemed to be so solid, and realize that we never really had that much in common after all. We just happened to be colleagues, neighbors or used to share the same passions for a while. If you think about it, people are drawn together by certain things in life, which never last.

They say true friends never fade out, and a friend in need is a friend indeed. Unfortunately distance seems to be the most common reason to lose contact with friends.

When a friendship gets to the point where you have to worry about calling or not after 6 months of silence, it has obviously reached its expiration date. No closeness and openness are possible at this stage. It turns into a one-sided friendship, which never works. So, why does it hurt? Maybe because I couldn’t face her and tell her the truth in order to get a closure and move on with my life. I am so afraid to hurt her feelings although she has already hurt mine several times by not being there for me. And vice versa, other things are consuming her and she clearly doesn’t feel like sharing them with me anymore. I don’t think she even realizes that our friendship is lost.

In the end, take it as a life-lesson. Friendships are prone to fall apart if they aren’t continually nurtured. It’s up to both sides to make efforts to sustain the relationship.